Travel, Anxiety, Country Get away & Fur buddies

   

Good morning beautiful people,

It's Thursday, throwback Thursday, which has become quite popular. This was me in my 20's, hot summer day, super frizzed out curls, in great health/shape, baking away in the kitchen-as per usual, and blissfully happy with how simple most days were. 

That's not to say there weren't any struggles, however, I was living with some of the best roommates a person could have, I was working in the healthfood industry and as a personal Chef, I was training at the gym 6 days a week, doing hot yoga, swimming, and some ryrhmic gymnastics, dancing, going out to play, having fun, and raising my son in our little community-it truly helped. This is is almost 20 years later...

Time's have changed a lot, the struggles have lessened in some areas and increased in others. 

I am happy to say that I struggle with PTSD much less, anxiety is ever present but not to the same degree; and it is not as overwhelmingly intrusive as it once was. Don't get me wrong, it still creeps up when I least expect it, but as I have been blessed with time to gain greater insight, knowledge, and understanding, my skills for coping are a thousand fold better. 

Perfect example, I used to get horrible anxiety before getting in a car to go somewhere. Especially when it was going to take a while to drive, it didn't matter if it was someone I knew for a long time or if it was to a new place with a friend; although the latter of the two was worse on the reactions scale. 

I would get the sweats, feel nauseated, running to the bathroom, shakes, head and heart started pounding, sickie butterflies-not the fun in love kind, dry mouth, slick hands, difficulty breathing, sense of smell overly sharpened, cognitive function reduced yet overly alert and sometimes even hives. 

On the cognitive function part, I was hyper vigilant; but when people were talking to me, it sounded like the teacher from Charlie Brown talking to the students. 

"Wah wah wah wah wah wah wah." 

My brain would freeze, sound would be overwhelming, and I was struggling not to scream or jump out of my skin. I would feel like a caged animal, this was not only relegated to cars. It could be a dinner party, a club, a date, a simple get together at a cafe, movie, or dinner at a restaurant with people I had known for years. Things I genuinely wanted to do and be a part of.

It was even more complex because I was also hiding this from everybody, I was terrified of the experience, then terrified by being out of control of my body, and in utter concern that I would be found out. This went on for quite some time until I finally got a handle on it thanks to dietary support, counseling, natural alternatives, and hardcore commitment to getting better. If you suffer from anxiety or PTSD, I cannot recommend Skullcap tincture enough! Just check with your natural health provider and doctor, and do seek out counseling. These made a big difference in my life. Change did come.

It did not happen overnight, struggling with PTSD at the same time meant there were so many moments I wanted to give up-it was too hard, too painful, too out-of-control, too isolating, too much. Thank Goodness for my son, my friends, and for 

God knowing when I needed Him most.

He brought me to the right places, people, and instruments of healing, at the perfect time. 

Now I travel and absolutely love it, I still struggle in new situations but cope in much better ways. This is how happy I was on a recent get away to the country:

I know the pic is a bit silly but it's to illustrate a point, I was genuinely happy; and that's even with being in the car for a few hours, with a bunch of pit stops and numerous interactions to be had. 

I do find that the one thing I miss from my younger years was the almost non-existent allergies. 

I struggled with grass, artichokes, shrimp, and dairy sensitivities. 

That was it. 

That meant something I totally took for granted, the get up and go factor was way easier and less embarrassing. 

Even with a child it was easier than what it has become today. My recent excursion to the country came with a reminder three days before to bring all my bedding, allergy meds, and special foods. I had almost forgotten about the food and bedding, here I was the day before, scrambling to get everything ready.

I scrambled because I had to wash everything and pack at the same time. I had procrastinated because, truth be told, I have been struggling with feeling very down lately. Things have not been going so well and I have a tendency to isolate, cacoon, and become very somber and disengaged in those instances. I also don't do well around others, I am more defensive, easily irritated, and longing for alone quiet time. This means I struggle to get motivated and then it hits me that there's loads to do, so I mad dash.

Not usual behaviour, as I am a serious prep/planner when it comes to most things-especially travel of any kind.

I ended up in the early morning on the sidewalk, waiting for my pick-up, feeling like a dunderpaint, with this much stuff for a 5 day getaway:

Ugh!

Not to be whiny and ungrateful, it was just frustrating when I looked at it; and I couldn't help but long for times when allergies, thyroid, sciatica, injuries, and whatever else, didn't take up so much space in my life. I felt like the guest from ridiculousness.

Anyways, I went off to the country. 

The plan was to paint, cut up some small wood branches for fire wood which were leftovers, and clear up the garden to begin planting prep. 

Unfortunately it rained and was cold, plus I ended up sleeping like crazy. I was catching up on a few weeks worth of lost sleep and bad nights's, as well as decompressing from majorly high stress levels, and thyroid/hormone difficulties. Oh yeah, it's been fun times. 

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...

I did get to hang out with a cast of furry characters and met the newest member of the adopted/rescued family. This is Titan:

He's huge and did I mention a big baby? 

This guy is 6 feet when standing on back legs, and on all fours, is a miniature horse! But he is a gentle giant of a Great Dane, he would sit on this couch, look away towards mom's room or sulk with his head on the couch in misery, until mom came home. 

He refuses to be moved or to be happy until her return, you must smush him with rubs and love to comfort his poor wus puss soul. Just to give you an idea of the size of this dog, here is a pic with my friend giving him some rub love:

I took these pics all on the Friday morning when I left because there was finally sunshine and warmth-of course, it shows up when I am leaving...pthhhhh on you Mr. Craptacular weather.

These are the other fur babies, the orange one is Bentley. He's a cranky old curmudgeon but he likes me and he usually is cantankerous with others, biting and scratching them at best.

Tough life I tell yah. He rubs himself and purrs at me, then pushes his face into my hands to be rubbed until he gives a paw as warning that he's had enough. At 15 years old, I figure he's entitled to be grumpy pants.

Sylvester in the above pic is too fast, I always got glimpse pics of him because he ran away any time I tried to take a pic.

Otherwise he would lie just like Bentley on his throne of comfort. There were 5 cats total, 3 of which are very old and sickly, they rest most days, so we all got along great! 

I came back in major allergy mode but grateful for having gotten away. 

Don't believe me? Look at how swollen my face and body got: 

Quite a difference from when I left. See above pics. Anywhoo, that will take a bit to get better from but I am feeling much much better since having gone. I was actually quite sad on the drive home.

I know that I am a country mouse at heart, the city exhausts me and is far too noisy. It's lovely to go where there are no street lights, where there is so little noise that a car driving by is noticed, where the air is fresher and where sleep is not interrupted by unhealthy modern tech. 

I made some serious decisions as we drove back into town, gave Abba thanks for the awakening, and felt good about finally knowing where I want to go and what I want to do. Even with the reactions and slight swelling, it was well worth it! 

That's all for today peeps, come back, as I will be posting a recipe or two along with some product reviews. 

Leave your comments or questions down below and don't forget to subscribe! 

Abba bless you...